Usual Tears

A oh-so happy day started to an awsome start. the usual period one, period two, over all the awsome school. after school; not so much. i've met this person, who used to me the world to me as a bestfriend, has now turned his back on me. for just under a year its been, has felt like a decade. He saw me and automatically looked away and entered the shop. from the corner of my eye, i could see him glancing. the pressure was just getting too much, so i immediatly left the shop.

later on that afternoon, my bestfriend and i sat down eating chips watching cars pass by. my " ex-friend "returned with another one of my bestfriends. ( childhood classmates ). He and my friend just stood there, my friend facing me, him with his back towards me. as if he was shutting me out. My friend told me he was going to leave with him to catch the bus home. they left. my bestfriend and i continued to eat. i picked up a chip, placed it in my mouth, and bit it once, after that, i paused, holding the chip by the tips of my fingers and my teeth. i slowly pulled it out and burst into tears for a split second. my bestfriend not noticing just continued eating, as i wiped away my tears. i wouldnt want to burden him.

later on this day, i spoke to a M.U of mine. M.U meaning mutual understanding. we havnt been speaking for a while now, i was wondering why, but somehow inside, i lost it for him. so i approached him and typed " if your not busy, can we talk?" he said " sure what about?" . in my chest my heart was beating, should i admit that i lost it , or just ask first. so the conversation went on for few minutes or so, until it came to the point where i asked him " is it over?, i just want a simple yes or no." he told me he dosent feel the same, and that we should just be friends. although any normal person would feel sad. i cried for a while, but then i realized, i can be me now. i can't be held down, but having him as a Boyfriend for a while was fun, we had our run but now i realized : " highschool is just a fraction of people in the real world. if you like one of them, think about all the other people you havent met! its a wide open world"

" gulong gulo, ang isip ko " translation to english
" my mind is so confused "

Music ; chucks a rage

To some, music is just a bunch of organized sounds to create a montage of sounds. To some, it means the world. i used to be one of those people. Music was my life and my soul, and i decided to throw it all away over one silly comment. I know that they say " yourself is your worst critic". i truley do believe that, but when family tells you. you cant help but take it in.

I know it sounds silly but, feelings were hurt, and dreams were crushed. A little family discussion turned into a " no-hoper" . I just sat down as my usual routine, jumped on the net and my grandmother walks in, give me a little talk. " are you really in the singing competition?", as proud as i was, i nodded my head. she looked at me in dismay and said "oh i dont think you should." confused i look at her and replied " why?". she looks at me hesitantly and says " oh i think you might get embarrased, your not really that good! if only you would learn." the sweet smile on my face, turned upside down. As she got up to leave, i told her to shut the door. I couldnt help but to burst into tears. the one thing i wanted to do in life, a comment tore me apart.

its all i could ever dream about or see myself doing. i'll always love music, but i dont know if i can sing again.

should i turn on my dream? or forget those words and keep going?

" dreams can be crushed with one word; Bad "